Seeing Through a New Lense

So …. a few weeks back, I got this grand idea. An idea for a video – namely for my clip store as opposed to the website – simply because the idea I had in mind seems more suiting there. Since it’s not yet filmed, I’m keeping the idea to myself for now. Very long story short …

After loads of researching online, I chose a website to order some kick ass looking contact lenses. OK. The idea of sticking ANYTHING in my eye freaks me out, but fuck it, people do it every day. I’m no wimp. I’ve given birth to 4 kids. How hard can contacts be!? I can do this. So I order them and I wait. And I wait. And I wait some more and then finally today, they arrive. I’ve already bought everything I need to house them, keep them wet and fresh and I’ve purchased the rest of the goodies needed to hopefully pull off this “great fucking idea” I had a few weeks back.

Deciding it’s probably a good idea to at least try it out before it comes actual time to film with them (Lord knows I’ll screw things up somehow if I don’t do a “practice run”), I decide to insert said contacts into my eyes today. 20 minutes later, I manage to get the first one in. After a couple eye lid massages, it sits perfectly where it should and I’ll admit, looked really neat. Great. The hard part is over. I’ve inserted one. Now I know what to expect. Let’s do this. 10 minutes later I finagle the second one in. Wow. I look SO COOL!!!! Yeah – feeling like a teenager who just got their first car – I’m super psyched. I wait for everyone to come home so I can show them off and then I go to take them out and put them in the cases I’d already bought with the solution I’d already bought and go on about my day.

That’s where everything went downhill. 45 minutes of prying my eyes open and sliding the colorful little discs around on my eye, I could NOT squeeze them out. The left one was irritating the hell out of me, vision half blurred in that eye I give up to take care of the grocery shopping and once that little chore is finished I can simply get back to removing them. Two hours, six websites and three youtube videos later (ewww – seriously don’t watch them – they are just GROSS) I still cannot remove the now seemingly not as cool items from my eyeballs.

Scared about having to do this again on a completely different occasion to film the video, I have the bright idea of putting on my makeup and at least filming the “ending” to the video I’ve been running through my head for weeks now. So – everyone is put out – dinner is pushed aside. This needs to be done and needs to be done NOW … so I can get these fuckers out of my eyes. Film it. Watch it. Looks good enough to me. Great … back to the bathroom to wash my face (again) and wash my hands (for now the 800th time since 3:30pm). Pulling, prodding, poking, squeezing at my eyes … almost frantically at this point, I STILL cannot remove the damned contact lenses. I can move them – slightly – but then cannot grasp them to “squeeze them out. Kids are screaming. Hubby’s yelling. I’m having a fucking panic attack. The next legitimate decision is to just cry my eyes out. I’ve put myself in this situation and I can’t get myself out of it. Maybe I can cry the fuckers out. I certainly can’t pluck them out no matter what I do. I look up local eye places. All are closed or the Dr’s are gone for the day. Since I’m now in NO shape to even speak – I make hubby call a last chance place that’s not the hospital. They say they MAY be able to “flush it out” … ohhhhh this does NOT sound like fun – but it’s pretty much now my only option. At this point, I’ve been wearing them for over 6 hours.

Off we go to have my eyes flushed. Yay. Flushing should be left to the toilets not for the eyes. She’s super sweet. Takes one look and says they look great – but those kind are illegal because they’re not fitted to the eye – and these particular ones are too small for my eyes (all I could think is – they get BIGGER than this? I can’t imagine putting anything BIGGER inside my eye!) … I explain that I can move them but I can’t pinch them out. She flushes me … swoosh …. ahhhh it’s actually very relieving!!! I pry my eyes wide open next to this generous stranger and I shove those fuckers as far as I can – and SHE reaches in and pinches them out. OMG! The first one is out. I want to cry or sing or dance or pray. I don’t know – but let’s not stop now – I want the other one out too … same thing … swoosh – solution goes pouring down into my eye – I pry it open and shove hard … bloop – she grabs it right out. FUCK! I have MY eyes back again. My perfectly fine as they were before I got this brilliant fucking brainstorm of an idea green eyes. Pretty sure I won’t be trying to see through any lenses other then my own again. My red itchy irritated eyes are extremely pissed at me right now and I’m pissed at myself for thinking I could do something as seemingly simple as putting in and taking out a pair of contact lenses!

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Just Thinking

I read an online debate / bashing this morning between my mom and my aunt online via Facebook. Mom (who lives here with me) had posted a picture of a plane in Tampa, Florida being deiced. Sure, planes get deiced all the time, but this is Florida … land of sunshine and warmth and too many rude people from other places. It’s a pretty rare thing to see here. My Aunt, who chose to buy a house in Maryland, where it’s admittedly cold in the winter, snapped back about how it’s like 1 degree there and Floridians have to throw their own pity party because the rest of the US doesn’t give a shit because it’s MUCH colder everywhere else. (Please keep in mind, that mom wasn’t bitching about the temperature, simply sharing a photo of something you just don’t see here every day.)

Mom’s blood began to boil (or is it freeze since it’s obviously cold here!? – Either way ….) and this got me thinking.

I completely understand that the entire US (yep – Florida included) is having an exceptionally colder than usual winter. This happens from time to time. It’s still the basic, general weather we all expect when the grey clouds move in and the rain brings in cold fronts and storms and for the rest of the country, yes, snow. But this year in particular, many places are experiencing subzero temperatures. Places that don’t typically. For the people in places where you get subzero temperatures every year, I’m sorry for you. For those who are just experiencing this type of weather, I’m sorry for you as well. But don’t be rude to us because we CHOSE to live in a place that doesn’t get subzero temperatures! It’s nowhere near subzero temperatures here – in fact, today it’s in the 40s. It’s damp (as it always is because we also happen to live in the land of ridiculous amounts of humidity) and it’s cold (yes, 40’s is cold when it’s generally hitting 100 and higher) and it’s windy (which is what makes it feel frigid.)

One day, it’ll be 80. (I’m sure that mere statement just pissed off about 40 people who are now telling me to get fucked and clicking off of this page) and then within HOURS it’ll be 40. This type of erratic temperature is why I’ve had bronchitis for TWO WEEKS now, despite an entire week dose of medicine. But at the end of the day …. THIS is where I have chosen to live. There are other places (like further south for example) that I could easily pack up and move to. I’m a believer in “If you don’t like it, change it.” and “If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.” So, if you live in a place where you’re having a brutal winter, join the entire country! What’s abnormally cold for you may not be the same temps as someone else in some other place, but EVERYONE is experiencing abnormally cold this year. It simply is what it is! If you hate it so much, move to a place that suits your needs better. I did. I moved to Florida when 4th of July got snowed out. YES … SNOW IN JULY!!! Fuck That! I like it warm – so I packed my shit into two suitcases and headed south and never looked back. July 7th is the day I moved to Florida many years ago.

Now … that being said … one place I’ve STILL never been, despite uncounted amounts of traveling every year, is Hawaii. I’m beyond certain that’s where I’d REALLY love to live. (I’m a beach girl – you should already know that, I love live music – you should know that too – and the people are friendly – SAY WHAT!?!? I don’t even know what that’s like – and well, it’s warm!) They are currently having 80 degree weather RIGHT NOW – that much more reason to BE there … but I already know – I can’t afford to live there. Not and still have models to film with (without paying their airfare daily – not happening anytime soon) and not with a house full of people. (Porn chicks being millionaires and shit is a myth – unless you LIVE in LA AND are shooting for other companies every single day AND are escorting on the side AND/OR married to some rich dude, everyone assuming we’re all so frigging loaded – is a joke!) Back to Hawaii – it’s just too expensive to have this much house for an affordable amount … so unless or until I hit the lottery (which reminds me, I should actually PLAY it sometime if I’d like a shot at winning it) or some strange gift package of money falls from the sky, I’m a realist. I’m a Floridian.

No actual point to my blog as usual … just spilling my thoughts out into my keyboard. Do with it what you will …. just taking the scrambling of things in my brain and getting them out before they drive me crazy 🙂 STAY WARM wherever you are!

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